Lost in the Turbulence

Lost in the Turbulence

Today is July 28th, and as I sit in my room and the stress of the world weighs in on me, I think of a time where my mind was at peace. A time that was far too long ago in my mind but occurred less than a year ago. I wrote in my Journal about this time, and although my journal gives specifics about my life experiences while abroad, I thought it would be too much information for those who weren’t apart of that experience with me. The inside jokes, the friendships gained, the friendships lost, the ability to be lost in a place where no one could help you , the closest family member being a 8 hour flight over the Atlantic Ocean. It was quiet, and quiet was beginning to be something I enjoyed. I feel as if a part of me is left in England, a part of me that I cannot get too because of monetary issues and fear.

Missing the London Breeze

Now that I feel my chances to explore have reached this "imaginary" limit, I reminisce about the times in which my freedom did not have a cap, nor fee. Where I was able to move about the country and the stresses of a 9-5, school and social life was non existent. It was a time that I cherish deep in the pits of my heart. Where my hearts yearns to be. I guess the question is am I happy? Its the happiness of the past, that I seem to latch myself against. The hooks of the Rose Theatre, the Tower of London, Westfield Mall, The Globe Theatre, The London Bridge, The Eye of London, and the art museums the De (my good friend, I met her at Edge Hill University) and I witnessed, that keeps replaying in my mind. I can’t physically hold it, so naturally I am forgetting and that brings me to tears. Its a terrible love and without it I am sick. I am in pain, I am lost. Lost in the times that I can’t relive, with the people I will probably never see again. Its the pain of knowing that there experiences are now what seem to be a distant blurring memory of my undergraduate career. I thought of London everyday since I left, although I only spent a few days there, the architecture is not something you could easily forget. 

The city where  It was the feeling of being in a place that was so unfamiliar that the fear lies in being afraid to not explore it. You have to because like all study abroad trips, there is a closing and as fast as you left the reality of home, the faster you'll will be thrown back into it. It was the freedom I felt with my friends, the freedom to run around the city of London and not hold back one opportunity to be free. At the time, I did not know if the possibility of me once again exploring London would happen, so the amount of walking was necessary, I had to see as much as I could; And that is exactly what we did.   It was just a sense of belonging to something that was greater than me, than us. A new surrounding with people, who not only sounded differently than us, but lived lifestyles that were not typical to America. Seriously, the breakfast was terrible everyday. I would dread the breakfast and I absolutely love breakfast...hmmm the food I will never miss.

The new beginnings where the problems couldn’t permeate is what I cherish the most. I miss the new beginnings. I don’t like routine, and without that city, I feel as if I am in that; a constant routine. Almost like a dog riding with his head hanging out of the window; watching the city as the air hits its face, embracing what can be seen because in a moment of time it will all be gone. A temporary feeling that puts one at peace. I remember packing my bags leaving Edge Hill University with a sickness that not only took over my body but sent me down a spiral depression that I couldn’t wrap my head around. I thought it was because I would miss my friends, the person I cared about, the school that taught me for the past three months, the friendly people, the experience in general, the parties, the talent that overwhelmed the school but I realized it had nothing to do with any person, any party or any particular place. My soul latched to the country, it latched to the idea of starting over. Somewhere between Manchester Airport, London Heathrow, and JFK International Airport and the turbulence and free food, I realized why everyone was sad to be leaving Edge Hill University, It wasn't because of semester was ending but it would truly be the last time all of us would be in the same space for the same reason, it was the experience that we wanted to fully live and the goodbyes that we wanted to avoid. Somewhere between that flight and the movie and the flu I caught, a tear slid down my face. It was the moment that I realized it indeed was over, I was going back to rent, tuition, work, other bills and routine. Oh how I wish I could once again be lost somewhere in that Turbulence once again. 

I’ll See You Again London

<3

Post from December 22, 2014 1:50am

"Currently in New York and awaiting my trip to Atlanta. These past few months have been absolutely amazing. I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I decided to Study abroad, but it honestly was one of the best experiences and decisions I've ever made. I learned a few things about myself and self discovery was one of my biggest challenges. I have made some new connections and life long friendships. I will miss my Brits, the African/Caribbean's, The South Americans, The Asians, and my favorite the Irish! I will defintely miss the cafeteria workers and the house keepers, they were extremely friendly and it was a pleasure to meet them. To all my Americans, FINALLY FOOD WE ENJOY LOLOL . the truth is, I was extremely sad to leave and I definitely will miss Edge Hill University but I know that my journey doesn't stop there. Thanks to everyone who made this trip possible. You are truly appreciated.  I wish everyone I met a wonderful and successful life. God Bless"!

The Fat Vegetarian Diary: Why Did I Become a Vegetarian

The Fat Vegetarian's Diary: Why did I become a Vegetarian               

 (Thought of Creative Names and Failed Miserably.... Moving on)

So people been asking "Reeyana, why are you a vegetarian?" and each time I am asked that question I cringe. Why? Well I usually have to debate with somenone about my personal beliefs and majority of the time, its at the wrong time.  I'm wither at work or at school and I am most likely on a time crunch. And that is the magic time that they will ask me what I'm eating; and I'll respond a vegetarian meal or meatless chik'n tenders, rice and salad. Then they proceed to ask me, what is meatless chik'n strips?(Please imagine that sentence in a mocking voice) I proceed to tell them what it is, though I'm sure they understand the over all gist but I'll just break it down for them a bit and waste ten minutes of my 30 or 60 lunch minute break. Yah. 

Next these Looney Tunes/Friends proceed to tell me how  they could never do it; they love chicken to much and how I am crazy to be giving up all that "deliciousness". "Here try some of my chicken". Oh how I wish  I could insert the rolling eyes emoji. Now, if I wanted to ruin their meals I could easily pull out my phone and show them a slaughter house with the many different death photos and videos of the animals they are currently eating but truth be told they wouldn't stand for that. And why would I ever do that to someone while they are waiting. That would be too much for them. The truth would be too much. Not only do people not care about what they eat but they don't care about how it was prepared. Now that's not my business and I definitely don't intend to start pushing my lifestyle onto anyone but my future family haha but in the same instance shouldn't people be bothered when they do it to me?

Many people have their reasons for being vegan, or vegetarian and for me I consider myself simply vegetarian, I still eat cheese and I refuse to give up French Toast. Well that was until last week. I'll save that for another day but I am thinking of transitioning into a vegan.

So Why Am I A Vegetarian?

BECAUSE I WANT TO BEEE!!!!! Totally just kidding, heres the deal. So Four short years ago, I was in my dorm room late at night, on Facebook, eating when I clicked on a link and started watching inspirational video called " Best Speech You'll Ever Hear" by Gary Yourofsky's . Note I didnt think it was about converting to meat free healthy living but hell I was probably failing one of my test and questioning college and my role in the world. So after I watched it for a few minutes I realized his speech was focused on Animal Rights, and the abuse of the planet. I know some of you may think "She is a loony or some sort of Hippie" but trust me the message is true. Why do humans stuff their faces with animals just to compensate for their hunger. I found myself, feeling empowered that I could help the cause by spending one less dollar in that industry. What does that really mean that I am not buying meat? I honestly do not know, I doubt the meat industry is affected by less contributions of my money but with a team of supporting people, I know that a small crack in the foundation of that broken industry is sure to spread and release more secrets and more harmful environmental facts. The Land, The Water, The Animals and The People are all being contaminated and they are direct results of the environments that happen within these slaughter houses.

                                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es6U00LMmC4

Not only was I disgusted but I could not finish my food. I am sure I was eating Cream of Wheat because that was one of my favorite late night snacks. The video showed how the food we ate was created and how much animals had to be tortured just to feed us. How sick people could really be? Really Sick, Imagine someone hanging you upside down and splitting your throat wide open while still fully conscious. Imagine someone stuffing you into a small cage with so many other animals that you can barely breath and most times suffocate because there is not enough air to support your breathing. Imagine being dehorned, branded (on the face), tail docked, castrated, suffering from extreme deprivation, scared and beaten frequently. Imagine all of that in the last sentence without any pain killers. To frightened to finish reading? Well you should be. You should be sick to your stomach that anyone could treat animals that way. Someone is probably out there laughing, saying they are just animals but let me remind you how most of the behaviour's they perform on these animals were once performed on Africans during the Trans- Atlantic Slave Trade. Don't believe so? Here's a few examples: Deprivation, Fear, Beatings, Branding, Cramped traveling spaces, castrations and murder.   and its weird how that one video  not only opened my eyes, it prompted me to feel and be aware of something that was happening to animals around the world for my and the rest of the worlds sick consumption, entertainment, clothing, safety and etc. I am not hear to judge anyone on their lifestyles but only to inform everyone to be aware of what happens to the animals, the land, the environment, the water, the efficiency and the people when you support these industries.

I also watched a new documentary called Earthlings. Now this documentary was about a hour and 40 minutes long I believe but I honestly cried through most of it. It reminded me of Garys original video I watched four years ago. It was more informative and showed you more of what people ignored. Now I don't sit around at home watching videos about Animal Rights, I was actually watching the video about SandraBland's death and the Anonymous groups response to it. Now there is no secret that I actually like Anonymous (is it illegal to say that?). I like the fact that they expose the wrong doings of big institutions. Who doesn't like that? So mean while I was officially liking their page. I saw the promotion for the documentary and next thing you know I went from watching ten minutes until the full documentary ended. Now I will admit I was a tad bit disappointed because I had something to do and I always get lost in time and procrastinate from my original assignment. Anyway, I am posting the link here because I need as many people as possible to watch it not for any special promotion or anything but because I care about fair treatment and even if you continue on your original track at least you know what is happening in the world. As long as you are educated about the cause and the effects then my mind is more at peace then it would be had someone not known. 

What Goes Around Comes Around.... Reap What You Sow

Special Shoutout to my loving father who still thinks that my vegetarianism is a diet that just hasn't been successful because I am still fat. Got to love him hahahah XOXOXOXO

Post Graduation Reflection

Post Graduation Reflection:

Wha la! I graduated from Clark Atlanta University on May 18th, 2015 and I feel great. So many people have asked me "Reeyana, are you sad? Will you miss us? What is next"? Well, you all have asked and I now have an answer.

I am not sad, distressed, or in any for of pain. I am relieved. I am relieved that my journey on this path called life has given me the opportunity to complete a goal I made four years ago. A goal that I can stand proud and say I reached. Now that I have completed that journey and closed that door. I am on to bigger and better things. My next journey is to receive my MFA in Acting from the most renowned and illustrious Conservatory in the world. One that helps the greats become greater and teaches the truth of the craft. This institution has produced these greats... So can you guess which university it is?

Meryl Streep, Angela Bassett, Lupita Nyong'o, Sanaa Lathan, and Lynn Nottage (Playwright, Ruined)

High School Goals:

1: Move to Atlanta

2: Attend Clark Atlanta University

3: Graduate with a 3.5 or Better

4: Get into a Honor Society

5: Receive a Latin Honor Upon Graduating.

6: Attend the actors corp

7: Graduate from the Yale School of Drama

May 19th (Also My BDAY) Facebook Post: "30 A's, 10 B's, and 5 C's and I officially graduated from Clark Atlanta University yesterday! Now MAY 19, I'm officially 22! Now to tongues and Groove. Im super excited and although things have been happening that are crazy, I'm still excited"!

Not to say that I am glad that school is over, but  I am happy for the growth that has followed me these last few years. These last few years have set me up for one of the most amazing experiences that I could ever imagine. I remember being lost back in the ghettos where I am from. I remember being tired of struggling, I remember the opportunities that were presented to me that weren't presented to everyone else, I remember striving to be a good student my last year in high school, I remember the fighting, I remember the hatred, I remember my mothers death, most of all I remember the guilt I felt for not getting my parents out of that environment sooner. I just kept saying,if only I had been born earlier than maybe, I could be someone and we could all move to a better community. But time was not on our sides. I remember not being the best student in high school and behaving in a way that was not only immature but hazardous to my future. I also remember the consequences of bad choices in high school being a constant reminder of loans I had to take out instead scholarships that were given for students with high superior academics, I remember the guilt I felt when I was not one of them. I remember but it no longer holds as a pain in my heart,  I walked out of undergrad with a 3.5 GPA, Magna Cum Laude Latin Honors, Alpha Kappa Mu, and Lambda Pi Eta Honor Society Memberships, Film Study Abroad Experience and a respect for filmmaking and media. My collegiate goals began to grow, and so did the fear and self doubt. 

No I was not a pre med major, Humanities, religion, Law, Business etc. I was a Radio, Television and Film major who aspires to be an actress! Yes, as cliche as it may sound. I openly claim that I am an actress and filmmaker, and it took a lot of self love to get me there. Four years ago, I said I am going to be that actress that gives my city the representation it deserves (KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI) and I set out to find the path that could eventually lead me there. Along my journey, I came across a major called Mass Media  Arts and of course, I did not know what it was nor did I feel the need to find out. AS I entered into my junior year:

Collegiate Goals:

1. Graduate on time

2. Pay off student loans as soon as possible

3. Study Abroad

4. Complete a Documentary about something you care about

5. Create a Production House

6. Make something of myself

7. Graduate with a 3.5 GPA

8. Get involved on campus

9. Mentor girls in the surrounding neighborhoods

10.Be successful in Acting and Filmmaking

11. Intern and Intern some more

12. Find A Job

Post Graduate Goals: 

1. Sleep like a baby (Simile Fun)

2. Find a job

3. Apply and Get into Yale School of Drama

4. Become a Humanitarian

5. Create a Production House

6. Create Scripts, Direct, Act in and Produce them

7. Be Successful in Acting and Filmmaking

8. Keep Working and never give up

I must admit for the first couple of weeks, I slept like a baby. Why? I honestly do not know. I feel as if the sleep deprivation from the last few years realized I graduated and put me into a temporary coma . I slept all day, and I worked on my website, monologues, cover letter, resume, DIY videos, and social media all night. The  experience differs incomparably from undergrad and high school. I was a child in high school 16 years old and a rebel without an cause. At that time I had a support system, my mother and my father but the clock kept ticking and eventually that system would break. Before I turned 17, my mother was dead and by time I turned 21 my father revealed he was battling stage 4 cancer. I remember wishing that I could turn back the time and catch the problems before the existed, but as we all know its just a wish and certain things just do not come true. I remember graduating with a 2.5 and being excited to walk across the stage and receive my diploma, then I also remember taking the AP english course and being the third highest marking student in the course. The first two? Oh they were the Valedictorian and Salutatorian! I remember us being the only students with an A in the course, and the pain I felt not being able to represent the top 10% like I know I should have. The guilt I still feel, but the relief I feel knowing that the journey has just begun.

I am happy yet again, although I managed some storms it was nice to see my vision coming clear again. It was nice to hear that my professor said I was the best emerging filmmaker out of my class, it was nice to feel appreciated because you have excelled both in class and outside of the confinements of those walls. I am happy that I have spent my last four years in Atlanta, studying at Clark Atlanta University but now it is time that I take my career in the next direction. I cannot expect to give back to the world, if I only dream. I have to wake up and do.

<3

The Power of Black Woman

      THE FORMIDABLE WOMAN REVIEWS: THE POWER OF BLACK WOMEN

I am starting something new and cool and it is called The Formidable Woman. This is a section on my blog where I highlight woman in all industries that are uplifting and breaking barriers almost the community and the world. This will serve as an Ode to the many great woman of have struggled to get us into the many industries that we were once not allowed to join and to the younger woman and girls who are insisting on making a change in the world. Positive news and strong as far away from celebrity drama and gossip as possible. This Week I am highlighting a women of true integrity and poise. My good friend and fellow Clark Atlanta University Alumna, Lauren Martinez.

I am excited for this months issue of Rolling Out Magazine because it highlights the progression of black woman in Hollywood. Did you hear what I said? The Cover Story of Rolling Out magazine is about the power of Black Woman in Hollywood. Not only is the article important and critical for black woman to read but for our community of black children, nieces, friends, associates and every girl and woman of color around the world. We must lead by positive example to eradicate the negative stereotypical images that women of color have been held pigeon hold to for centuries. It's also important to share this because my dear friend, and CAU alumna, Lauren Martinez wrote it with the thought of several woman in mind. 

The issue discussed the progressions of a few film and tv favorites, Including KeKe Palmer, Taraji P. Henson, Tika Sumpter, and Angela Simmons. As rising icons and formidable women, we also see these women using their platforms and fame to discuss not just their roles in the industry but the war against black women and cultural issues alike. Breaking the stereotypical propaganda that black women are "Ghetto", "Misguided", "Baby Mothers", and "welfare/social service dependents" has etc., their fame in the past few years have given hope and inspirations to girls and women around the world. Why is this important? It is important because if the Black woman doesn't do it, than social media will. Black women rising in power owe it to educate, uplift, and inspire other black women because the system that we live in, has taught our sisters that we are inferior, we are unappreciated and that our beauty is contingent on the european standard of beauty i.e. (we don't have any, unless someone gives it to us, its accident and/ or someone allows us to have it).

Martinez addressed the issues of limited acting roles for women of color and how these beauties did not let that deter them from their goals. Many of these women that are highly celebrated were once apart of the inner city community where dreams of being a star is essentially just that; a dream. However they were capable of making and leaving a lasting mark on Hollywood, and thus helped in reversing the negative image of black women. 

Believe in us and work to inspire the next generation to believe in themselves, no amount of adversity can keep you from success only you can. Love the melanin you are in, to my formidable black queens and princesses ! 

‪#‎FormidableSehgeh‬ ‪#‎formidablewoman‬ ‪#‎blackwoman‬‪#‎blackwomaninhollywood‬ ‪#‎TarajiPHenson‬ ‪#‎KekePalmer‬ ‪#‎TikaSumpter‬‪#‎AngelaSimmons‬ ‪#‎LaurenMartinez‬ ‪#‎blackactresses‬ ‪#‎power‬ ‪#‎elegance‬‪#‎beauty‬ ‪#‎formidable‬ #CAUAlum