This is an Emergency... What happened to that black girl magic?

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY... what happened to that black girl magic?

Hello Pumpkin Spices,
For a while now, I have been contemplating writing a blog about disrespect toward women, I am up bright and early to speak about the foolishness that happened yesterday. Everyone knows that I love my melaninated brothers and sisters and that it is my job to protect them, so here it goes. Does anyone notice the amount of hatred and degradation being poured into the world of Pop Culture? What about the alleged relationship between Rob Kardashian and Angela "Blac Chyna" White? or Wendy Williams reaction to it.  If you don't recall, or you purposely took yourself out of the equation, seeing that it does nothing for the growth of your pocketbook, then good. I commend you but I will also give you a recap.

Yesterday social media users were caught in another drama scene between celebrities, this time it was between Blac Chyna and the Kardashians, Rob Kardashian, to be exact. There is a rumor that they are dating, and of course, social media trolls unleashed a furry of hate and pure comedy onto the world. Post ranged from congratulating to down right evilness. IF you know me and have gotten a taste of whats in this Apple Tree, than you know, that I am the Queen of supporting women all across the globe. That being said you also know that I am a huge BlacChyna supporter and I support all petty antics. I believe women should be treated with respect regardless of their race, sex, class, occupation, religion, etc. However the same people who claim they share my beliefs, are usually the oppressors. Do not stand in front of a podium and proclaim that black girls are beautiful, strong, ambitious, are formidable etc., and with the same tongue call them whores, gold diggers, thots, bad mothers, ugly, weak etc.

 

Before anyone thinks this post is about my opinion on their relationship, let me stop you,
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM AS A COUPLE.

 I am here to address Wendy Williams degradation of Chyna on her show. Why Wendy? Well because Wendy Williams is known for her gossip show, and her ability to be shady toward other woman.  CAUTION... Do not get me wrong. I love Wendy Williams. Her story from being the underdog to the women on top is inspiring. I know Wendy to say what she wants about anyone, and at anytime. I just don't like to hear other women negatively speaking about other women. Most importantly Wendy is a woman with a lot of supporters, and a lot of listening ears; Therefore should be protecting the images of women not destroying them. I am also not here to say Wendy should like all women but I am here to say she should not degrade or perpetuate the idea of belittling women. Wendy proceeded to address the situation between the Kardashians and BlacChyna by calling her a thot. How dare she as a women ever say that about another women. When influencers speak things into existence, it gives other people the will to say things as well. My disappointment is not with the fact that she shares an opinion about BlacChyna that differs from mine, the problem with her statement is the amount of reinforcement of disrespect she is preaching. Not just this particular woman but many women engage in this sort of behavior, especially entrainment news specialist.

These "Role Models" make my tired ass, tired. I am tired of the disrespect, the degradation, the self hate, the shaming and all forms of negativity. I am tired of every form of shaming, make up shaming, slut shaming, fat shaming, skinny shamming, body shaming, life shamming etc. Could it be that women are more intimidated by one another, that a simply compliment just will not do? We need more positivity within our community. What about Black Girls Rock, Black Girl Magic, Brown Baddies, Melanin on Fleek, S.O.S Supporting Our Sistas, P.B.W Power of Black Women and etc.

I cannot solve the problem alone, but I am here to ask that we reevaluate what we say and how we treat our women. If you wouldn't want a man calling you that then you shouldn't have to hear a women call you it either.  Its okay and perfectly normal to have disdain for someones actions, but calling them out their names or using words that belittle and degrade them is not only wrong but its unfair to Women in general/  ladies the next time you decide to speak negatively of the next women, just ask yourself, is that the sort of energy I want to put into the world?
By all means don't stop being petty if that's is what you love, but I too, know the most supportive petty people in the world. Petty doesn't always bring others down.

It is Wednesday, so therefore for the first time I am making a Woman's Crush Everyday list: These are the woman I look up to and that I believe are positive role models for me. You too should make one and share it as well, hashtag #SupportingOthersBlackGirlMagic.


My Women Crush Everday Crew is:
1. Angela Bassett
2. Cicely Tyson
3. Kerry Washington
4.  Angela White aka Blac Chyna
5. Teyonah Parris
6. De' Angela Giles
7. Michelle Obama
8. Monique
9. Jennifer Lewis
10. Asia Alvarez
11. Uzo Aduba
12. Tina Fey
13. Wendy Williams
14. Jennifer Hudson
15. Charlize Theron
16. Toni Morrison
15. Lynn Nottage
16. Karen Civil
17. Lauren Fluker
18. Regina Hall
19. Regina King
20. Oprah
21. Nia Long
22. Teyana Taylor
23. Viola Davis
24. Octavia Spencer
25. Taraji P. Henson
26. bell hooks
27. Ava DuVernay
28. Shonda Rhimes <3
29. Gabourey Sidibe
30. Brittney Jackson
31. Erykah Badu
32. Lauryn Hill
33. Jill Scott
34. Zoe Kravitz
35. Janelle Monae
36. Angela Simmons
37. Sharee Davis
 38. Jessica Carpenter
39. The house of June
40. Tika Sumpter
41. Tracee Ellis Ross
42. Amber Riley
43. Loren Lott
44. Heather Lindsey
45. Alfre Woodard
46. Kimberly Elise
47. YaYa Shahidi
48. Loretta Devine
49. Zoe Saldana
50. Tessa Thompson
51. Brittany McCullers
52. Lauren Martinez
53. Serena Williams
54. Denessia Law
55. K'la Everett
56. Lauryn Hill
57. Lynn Whitfield
58. Ayana Iman
59.Amandla Stenberg
60. Amber Withey
61. Antonia Martin
62. Reeyana Sehgeh (Myself)
63. Rihanna

 and so many more. These woman exemplify the kind of positive vibes that I like to see, and hear. Women with voices and talent. You will see a lot of celebrities and a few of my friends. Get on board and make a list of the women that inspire you.
Random: What about Stacey Dash?
Me: I Said Black
Random: Tina Fey is on this list.
Me: Well, a few of us decided to have a meeting about it and the conclusions was that Tina, is a fair and better trade.


All that negativity has to go... burn it!

Men and Their Disrespect Toward Women Has to End

                         

As I watch this terrible television show, that follows the lives and whereabouts of your favorite celebrities, I notice that the differences between the ways the host speaks about the stories dealing with women vs. men. They are extremely sexist and disrespectful. Here it is, another day of women being bashed for living their lives freely, and minding their own businesses. So, The story goes a woman was dating this rapper and had a child by him and eventually he left her. They host says maybe you shouldn’t be with a man because he is rich aka “Stop gold-digging”. 

Why do men treat woman so badly? What is it about the woman that has all of these “Men” treating us like all we have to offer the world is parts of our bodies that pleases them? What is it about her that causes men to think its okay to disrespect and degrade us, while we live to lift them up? It must be the power! Women have been succeeding amongst our male counterparts at equal to greater rates in the status quo than ever before (I guess that’s what happens when you decide to finally give woman the rights they deserve). Women are running more and more businesses and the film industry is being taken by storm with women leaders as well. If you believe that is too much of a reach, then let me break it down for you. Women are not taking the back seat to anything anymore and that my friend is causing problems, maybe its their egos being slaughtered, or their paychecks being the same, maybe just maybe she is better equipped in every aspect of life and most simple minded men just cannot take it anymore.

Well, if you cannot take the heat, maybe you should get out of the Kitchen!

One of my guy friends told me he met a girl a few weeks ago at some type of hipster coffee shop. They started talking (not dating) and things were going great – but as time passed she became too attached. Out of curiosity, I asked him why he felt the way he did. He said, “She was falling in love” similar to what he experienced with a different woman he was involved with. His actions showed he really liked this new woman in his life. He was taking her out on dates almost every other day. He spent the majority of his time with her. For him to say she was getting attached was a bit odd to me. His actions didn’t line up with his feelings. He only wanted to sleep with her nothing more. Once he achieved his goal, he stayed around for a bit but eventually without a word or a hint of a goodbye he left altogether. He blocked her phone number, email and all of her social media.

As soon as he knew she couldn’t contact him, he moved on and decided it would be a great idea to let his friends know about it. A few of them laughed but of course everyone braced himself or herself for my opinion because I’m not one to sit around and let someone treat others wrong. I told him the obvious; he should have handled the situation totally different. This wasn’t cool and I wanted to know why he didn’t tell her his intentions. He actually thought discussing his intentions with her would be too serious of a conversation to have.

If you think it’s okay to have sex within the first few nights it should be appropriate to ask about someone’s intentions. Sex is more serious than a simple conversation. As adults, we can choose to have sex whenever we want. I didn’t fault him for wanting to have sex with her,  he is human. However I did have an issue with the way he went about it. He openly discussed his sexual life with his group of friends and laughed about how he used a woman for sex. I couldn’t support a friend who treated a woman like a she was nothing but a mere toy. He had zero regard for feelings or emotions, nor did he think that we, his group of friends would have a problem with what he was saying. Not only did he disrespect the people who raised her, he disrespected her by pursuing her sexually with the false hopes of a relationship. No one should be treated the way he treated her.

Now some of people would say she disrespected herself. Times have definitely changed. We live in an age where men are respected for their misdeeds while women are looked down upon for their actions. My friend tried to remove the title of a Queen by reaching for her vagina and not her crown. He thought that he dominion over her because he is good looking, has a penis, and a degree. In the end he really played his own self. He simply believed telling women they are beautiful would open their hearts, minds and eventually their legs.

Just imagine you believe everything to be going well and the next day the person you spent your time, energy, and body with doesn’t answer your phone calls, texts or even social media messages. Every means of communications is gone but the memories from the night before are in the back of your mind. How would that make a person feel? Unimportant and misused, I am guessing. When my friend decided to stop acting like a jerk and reached out to her she in return blocked him from everything. It was well deserved if you ask me! I haven't heard much about the situation since it happened but its time men realize they don't have the power that they think they do!

It is funny because I once thought that the power of a woman resided in her man/husband. Now I realize power resides in her, and everything she does is a direct reflection of her respect for the person she allowed to lead the relationship. A woman will support her man or husband through every accomplishment and shortcoming, and will not question taking the back seat to see her mate win. Now, in the same respect when a man doesn’t realize that he is winning because of her, she can take that power he thinks he has and let it crash around him. That usually happens in the early boyfriend stages. Something about the term boyfriend doesn't really account for anything to me. Too many relationships are temporary. Temporary situations, temporary love, lust and temporary care for one another. TOO MANY MEN (using Men loosely) THINK OBTAINING SEX FROM A WOMAN IS A THE ULTIMATE GOAL. There isn’t enough support, prayer, encouragement, friendship, respect, humility, truth, guidance, faith and discretion. Power comes from within. Woman are powerful beyond measure, we control this universe.

In conclusion, women deserve to be treated like queens. Why do men find it a necessary act of rights to dehumanize women in any way? To my women out there, we have to stop believing in this false sense of love that we see at the movies. Why? Because many of us, while in search of that hopeless romantic sap story, will get stuck with someone who doesn’t do half of what we see and always dream of him being more than what he is. Stop falling for everyone’s potential. In the beginning, they will go out of their way to show you who they COULD be but its not always how they WILL be. We can imagine a high level of greatness for someone and begin losing sleep to make sure they reach it, but we never stop and think to ourselves, sometimes, people just never live up to their potential. 

-Reeyana Sehgeh