Lost in the Turbulence

Lost in the Turbulence

Today is July 28th, and as I sit in my room and the stress of the world weighs in on me, I think of a time where my mind was at peace. A time that was far too long ago in my mind but occurred less than a year ago. I wrote in my Journal about this time, and although my journal gives specifics about my life experiences while abroad, I thought it would be too much information for those who weren’t apart of that experience with me. The inside jokes, the friendships gained, the friendships lost, the ability to be lost in a place where no one could help you , the closest family member being a 8 hour flight over the Atlantic Ocean. It was quiet, and quiet was beginning to be something I enjoyed. I feel as if a part of me is left in England, a part of me that I cannot get too because of monetary issues and fear.

Missing the London Breeze

Now that I feel my chances to explore have reached this "imaginary" limit, I reminisce about the times in which my freedom did not have a cap, nor fee. Where I was able to move about the country and the stresses of a 9-5, school and social life was non existent. It was a time that I cherish deep in the pits of my heart. Where my hearts yearns to be. I guess the question is am I happy? Its the happiness of the past, that I seem to latch myself against. The hooks of the Rose Theatre, the Tower of London, Westfield Mall, The Globe Theatre, The London Bridge, The Eye of London, and the art museums the De (my good friend, I met her at Edge Hill University) and I witnessed, that keeps replaying in my mind. I can’t physically hold it, so naturally I am forgetting and that brings me to tears. Its a terrible love and without it I am sick. I am in pain, I am lost. Lost in the times that I can’t relive, with the people I will probably never see again. Its the pain of knowing that there experiences are now what seem to be a distant blurring memory of my undergraduate career. I thought of London everyday since I left, although I only spent a few days there, the architecture is not something you could easily forget. 

The city where  It was the feeling of being in a place that was so unfamiliar that the fear lies in being afraid to not explore it. You have to because like all study abroad trips, there is a closing and as fast as you left the reality of home, the faster you'll will be thrown back into it. It was the freedom I felt with my friends, the freedom to run around the city of London and not hold back one opportunity to be free. At the time, I did not know if the possibility of me once again exploring London would happen, so the amount of walking was necessary, I had to see as much as I could; And that is exactly what we did.   It was just a sense of belonging to something that was greater than me, than us. A new surrounding with people, who not only sounded differently than us, but lived lifestyles that were not typical to America. Seriously, the breakfast was terrible everyday. I would dread the breakfast and I absolutely love breakfast...hmmm the food I will never miss.

The new beginnings where the problems couldn’t permeate is what I cherish the most. I miss the new beginnings. I don’t like routine, and without that city, I feel as if I am in that; a constant routine. Almost like a dog riding with his head hanging out of the window; watching the city as the air hits its face, embracing what can be seen because in a moment of time it will all be gone. A temporary feeling that puts one at peace. I remember packing my bags leaving Edge Hill University with a sickness that not only took over my body but sent me down a spiral depression that I couldn’t wrap my head around. I thought it was because I would miss my friends, the person I cared about, the school that taught me for the past three months, the friendly people, the experience in general, the parties, the talent that overwhelmed the school but I realized it had nothing to do with any person, any party or any particular place. My soul latched to the country, it latched to the idea of starting over. Somewhere between Manchester Airport, London Heathrow, and JFK International Airport and the turbulence and free food, I realized why everyone was sad to be leaving Edge Hill University, It wasn't because of semester was ending but it would truly be the last time all of us would be in the same space for the same reason, it was the experience that we wanted to fully live and the goodbyes that we wanted to avoid. Somewhere between that flight and the movie and the flu I caught, a tear slid down my face. It was the moment that I realized it indeed was over, I was going back to rent, tuition, work, other bills and routine. Oh how I wish I could once again be lost somewhere in that Turbulence once again. 

I’ll See You Again London

<3

Post from December 22, 2014 1:50am

"Currently in New York and awaiting my trip to Atlanta. These past few months have been absolutely amazing. I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I decided to Study abroad, but it honestly was one of the best experiences and decisions I've ever made. I learned a few things about myself and self discovery was one of my biggest challenges. I have made some new connections and life long friendships. I will miss my Brits, the African/Caribbean's, The South Americans, The Asians, and my favorite the Irish! I will defintely miss the cafeteria workers and the house keepers, they were extremely friendly and it was a pleasure to meet them. To all my Americans, FINALLY FOOD WE ENJOY LOLOL . the truth is, I was extremely sad to leave and I definitely will miss Edge Hill University but I know that my journey doesn't stop there. Thanks to everyone who made this trip possible. You are truly appreciated.  I wish everyone I met a wonderful and successful life. God Bless"!