Leave Them Behind

     So you think you miss your ex?

What is it about them that you can't seem to forget? their eyes, their  scent, the warm kisses, the massages, sweet text messages, sweet phone calls, the forehead kisses, the way they cared about the little things that mattered to you or the times you had to remind him of the things they shouldn't forget, the arguments, the pain, the rebuilding, the love, the lust, the sex, the prospects of a future together? What was it?

For me it was as simple as an accent. As complicated as it was to understand him sometimes, that is what I missed the most. We argued a lot and sometimes it felt like I couldn't figure out my own life because I was so busy trying to figure out what I did wrong and how all my attempts at fixing things in our relationship wasn't working. So many days I would have a depressing date with my past (pity party with non alcoholic beverages). I would make dinner, play music that we both liked, read old text messages, search through old emails we shared, pictures we had taken, videos we had made, and all the other things that we shared as a couple that I hid in my email. This secret stash had a name for it called "Do Not Open Ever" I save all information from previous relationships and I try to never open them. You never know when you have to catch someone in their pathetic lie. But I did TRY, but like most humans, I am flawed and sometimes I did sneak into the crevasses of my mind to daydream about the boy or boys I once loved and the separate lives we would've had, had only I left their trifling asses sooner.

If only I would've learnt to leave them alone sooner. I would've avoided a lot of disappointments and heartbreak. It seemed at the times we were together that those were my happiest moments and then I realised it was not. It was my most gullible moments. I would really believe anything they told me because I was so lost in "LOVE" with them. I was young and naive, because clearly I am only 22. How much love can one person be in when the first fell in love in the 11th grade? Anyway, so I decided to make this post because well I want to encourage other women out there to leave him behind and move on. Yes I think about my exes sometimes, and they always seem to hit me up after not hearing from me for long periods of times but the problem starts when I respond. It would be a terrible lie for me to say I don't miss them as well but to much heart break will drive a sane person crazy. I've also heard men only miss you when you are "looking good" or "doing good". Remember that the next time he inbox you on Facebook, direct messages you on Twitter, Snaps you on Snapchat,  or tries to slide in your DM's on Instagram.

So why do I miss my exes ? I don't! I miss one of my exes but I've been trying to block his trifling self out of my life but he always seems to pop up, no matter how much I avoid my social media the day I decide to comeback he usually is the first picture or a few finger scrolls downs. FML! But why do I miss him? What is it that makes me think of him? Other than the fact that we spent so much time around each other and built a genuine friendship. I think I know why... There are a few things that make me miss my exes and usually its the amount of shit they own that is sitting around my apartment, that I have yet to give back ( that I'll never give it back) or things that they liked me wearing or doing.

These things serve as a constant reminder of the good times, and they range from old clothing articles, perfumes, diamond earrings, lipstick colors (Cyber),  to candle sets, bracelets for valentines day, and a list of other crap that I am obsessed with and that I fight to keep apart of me.

So here I am, telling you all to let go of your exes and my exes are a constant reminder that I have yet to do so as well. See  the hard part about moving on is actually moving on. Do we just forget about all the good times and , but I will tell you anyway. I have acknowledged that I have a problem and I have acknowledged that I have zero negative feelings toward any of my exes. Where they perfect? No! Hell am I perfect ? Yes (NO)! Were they all gentleman? No! Were they all respectful? Not always! Were they faithful? Most of them! Were they Honest? Most of them! Were they all capable of being loved, respected and blessed? Yes but not by me. I was not the woman to change them. I refused to hold their hands and allow them to run over me. (Please note that I am using them as examples in group form but these relationships happened through many different time periods).

Being someones ex is not always a negative thing and it is definitely not always a positive thing. It just means that two people were not compatible enough for a life long relationship. Has all my former relationships left off on good notes? Hecks no! I am sure they all hate or hated me at some point. That's not the point though, the point is simply why couldn't I leave them behind. Simply put, I still dreamt of the day when we could be together. I would dream of the marriage, the house, the happiness, the children, the careers, the good never the bad, the perfect family but I what I failed to do was be realistic. Rushing your relationship or pretending to be perfect doesn't make it a perfect relationship, it simply makes your relationship a ticking time bomb. How many times will you bite your tongue when they are getting on your last nerves just to preserve the image of your perfect relationship? How many times will you forgive someone for the same thing just to uphold the reputation? I'll tell you! You will hold it until you cannot possibly take it any longer, now whether that's it next week or thirty years from now, it will happen. Look at all those relationships out there that are forcing their happiness for status and fame. If that is what you want then so be it. Just remember that you are not the only person in control of the relationship. One day you might wake up and that person has decided that they don't want to be with you, and you will have to marinate on all the time wasted because you want to keep up the image. The question is how much time do you have to spare? 30 minutes, 30 days, or 20 years. If you are not happy, leave them behind.

 Sometimes you have to leave things in the past or they will always be a reminder that you are settling. No matter how cute or attractive they are, your well being is more important. So who cares if you miss them? Leave them behind because you may waste a lot of time and energy for someone who doesn't deserve it. Leave the behind and move the hell on! You and I cannot keep singing the same sad songs.